missing music and the constant loss of self confidence

this blog's title could've been called "serious blog #1" i guess but the current one is pretty accurate as well.

so i haven't been in a band since january and i hate it. it was the right decision to leave dig ur grave, it wasn't the type of band i wanted to be in and the only reason i agreed to play was because i could still play in a band with hef. he quit and then i quit. conrad meant well but i didn't feel like i had any creative input, all my parts were already written for me. plus with me being all the way in charleston, they couldn't play the amount of shows they wanted so it was all for the best.

here in chucktown, we've got bear hugger. absolutely love the music but we can not find a drummer. i thought we might've had one a couple of weeks ago but the rest of the guys weren't sold on him. drumming ability was great but he didn't care to really pay attention to the song parts and his personality would probably conflict with the rest of us, we're all three loners. don't get me wrong, he was a super nice guy...but if we're going to be a band, i want to also be friends. plus being in a band with kyle is a ton of fun.

so this brings me to the second part of my title. i realized today that the amount of self confidence i have is directly correlated to the amount of music i'm writing. when i was in swamp witch and far from true (later to be named bear hugger), i felt good about myself. i got no sleep, was always traveling, and even had to have a knee surgery because of a witch show but again, i felt good. i was able to write new songs at my place, just little acoustic diddys but i was proud of them. now, i can't even finish a song. i'll start one and be somewhat stoked about it but then writers block kicks in and it dies a slow, painful death. when i left DUG, i figured i could focus on my acoustic stuff but it just hasn't happened. ::sigh::

my lack of self-confidence then translates into a lack of trust in everyone, even when it's not deserved. i've got to figure out a way to work on this. i'll add that to the growing list of personality flaws that i need to somehow correct.

Posted in: acoustic,bear hugger,music,sea monkey,swamp witch