products of an overactive brain and then the rest of life

my brain never seems to shut itself off. i wake up multiple times in the night with things already running through my head. it's annoying, sometimes i wish i didn't have it and i could just relax and not think about things that have or haven't happened (yes, i stress myself out over things that may never even come to fruition). my friend leah believes it to be a curse for us that have some sort of creative side (art, music, etc...) and i'd have to agree, my overactive brain does help me write music but fuck...give me a break, would ya?? anyway, enough of that.

saw bon iver this past friday. such a bittersweet show (if you know me, you know why), he was incredible though. definitely happy i got to see him at least once in my lifetime. i was able to record a couple of songs on my phone, Holocene and The Wolves (Act I and II). They turned out well for being recorded on just an iPhone, using the voice recorder thing. they're at the bottom of the post for those that want to listen. I recorded skinny love too but that was his final song of the encore and you couldn't hear much with everyone singing along, yelling, etc... such an amazingly talented songwriter/composer.

i'm still writing enough to warrant looking into owning a paper company. i shouldn't care anymore but i still do, so until that changes, i'll keep writing as much as necessary. the good thing to come from all of the writing is that i've written two songs that i'm proud to call mine. i'm still working out the recording aspects of one, but a rough demo of the other is up on the soundcloud page and i'll put it below in case anyone wants to peep it. i plan on adding a lot of layers to it (banjo, bass, keys, possibly harmonica) so hopefully in the next couple of weeks it'll take shape. also, did an acoustic cover of bonnie raitt's "i can't make you love me". bon iver did a piano ballad version on his calgary single's release (and a fallon appearance as well) and ever since i heard it a couple of months ago, i wanted to try and do my own little version. fyi...his is a ton better.

my life is still a roller coaster, can't seem to focus on where i really want to go from here. thinking about heading west (i could transfer to san diego easily) or possibly out of the country or maybe just back to charlotte. who knows, they all have pros and cons. i've also realized how spot on city and colours "little hell" is in regards to me, my life and the way i process/think. it's always nice to find a song like that, makes you feel like someone else, somewhere goes through what you go through.

anyway, enjoy the tunes. constructive criticism on my stuff is always welcome. you can criticize the bon iver songs too if you want, but you'd be dumb to want to change any of it.

Bon Iver - Wolves (Acts I and II) Live @ Raleigh Amphitheater by Urban Electric Company

Bon Iver- Holocene (Live @ Raleigh Amphitheater) by Urban Electric Company

Lies dipped in gold by Urban Electric Company

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punching writer's block in the throat

so if you've ever had to deal with writer's block, you know how much it sucks. constantly wanting to write something down, to get your emotions on paper but every time you try nothing comes to mind...it's one of the worst feelings. writing, even my crappy songs, keeps me from going insane because otherwise, i don't talk about my emotions...ever. ask the gf how hard it is to get me to talk, she'll back me up on that last statement.

so maybe some of you are wondering, so what? you can't write, what's the big deal? it's not like it's your day job or something. well writing is my therapy and writer's block keeps me from having said therapy so things start building up, it's not good. and once things start building up, my brain does this weird thing where it'll take the smallest negative thought and run through a list of hypotheticals and then take those hypotheticals of the hypotheticals and it turns into a vicious cycle to where i end up getting worried/stressed about something that'll probably never happen. yea........i'm strange. i wish i could stop that, but it's gotten a lot worse as i've gotten older.

this isn't to say that i just run around all day in a conflicted state where i can't say anything but when i really want to write, and i mean really want to write, it's when it hits. so too combat this crippling writer's block, i've thought of a couple of techniques i'm gonna try.


1. stop censoring myself
i'm sure this seems odd, but even when i'm just writing for writing's sake, i censor myself constantly. i worry about being too blunt because i don't want the person i'm writing about to hear it (assuming its a song i send out to the interwebz) and feel bad. but i need to stop and just write exactly how i'm feeling and if need be, apologize later. i do a pretty good job of not holding grudges (unless you're one of the exes that cheated on me, then you can eff off)so it wouldn't necessarily be how i feel about that person overall, just at that time.
2. write a story
this is the one that i'm most excited about. when i say story, i don't mean a novel or anything but before i start on a song, write down a plot line, characters and emotions i want to portray. then maybe add in environment details (i.e. type of town, description of the scenery). Writing the story from the outside in and not necessarily trying to write down my personal feelings could help out a lot when i do NEED to write down my thoughts/emotions.

3. learn other songs
i use to learn other artist's songs all of the time but in the past couple of years, i've stopped. i need to start this up again. this will just lighten up some of the pressure i put on myself and will also help with ideas for chord progressions, melodies, etc...

i don't know if any of these will work but they're worth a shot. i want to be able to express whatever emotion i may be feeling so i'm not always holding it in...fingers crossed!

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